A Very Parody Christmas-- Probably part 9, but maybe part 10. Or really, whichever doesn't have to deliver all those things Ian promised.

“Here’s where you’re hiding…” Hallie noted, poking her head out the door. The stars shone brightly in the sky as the moon reflected off of the water far below. She shifted her image accordingly so that happy little puffs of breath formed in the chill air and walked out onto the metal balcony circling the lighthouse’s lantern room.

Visionary sat with his legs hanging over the side, leaning over the lower bars of the railing and watching the surf hit the rocky shore on the dark beach beneath them. “I’m not really hiding” he noted casually. “I was just feeling a little… dizzy. I even bumped into the walls a few times climbing the stairs. I thought I could use some fresh air.”

“Yes, because the best thing to do when you’re dizzy is to go hang off a 300 foot drop” Hallie countered, dropping to sit next to him and look over the edge herself. “Adding the cliffside, of course. So is that Willingham or Parodiopolis coast down there?”

“Actually, I asked the Shoggoth to explain to me how I could tell which was going to be which earlier this evening” Visionary said, then chewed his lip. “Come to think about it, that alone could explain the dizziness.”

Hallie linked up to a satellite roughly 22,300 miles above them and compared coastline features. “Willingham” she confirmed. “And did you know you’re getting a little thin in the back?” she added with a playful glance towards his hairline.

“Really?” he noted, beaming. “Now that you mention it, it has been a while since Kerry used a term of endearment that included either ‘pair-shaped’, ‘cruller’, ‘lard’ or ‘butt’ in it. Maybe those morning workouts with Dancer are worth it after all.”

“Not quite what I meant.” She smiled at him fondly. “Having a little trouble keeping up tonight, aren’t you? Been hitting the punch?”

A worried look crossed his face. “No… I mean, yes… but, not the punch. It’s just…I think I’m having trouble… thinking. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Uh-huh… If you’re going to serve up slow pitch softballs like that, it’s probably best you hide from the rest of the party. Lisa, definitely.”

Visionary nodded. “I’m probably just tired. I feel like my mind is half a world away… and I keep daydreaming about the oddest things.” He scratched the side of his head. “Do my ears look weird to you? They feel kind of… stubby.”

“Um… they look pretty ear-like to me” the A.I. admitted. “A little red around the edges from the breeze… You should really wear a hat if you’re going to sit out here.”

He sniffed and huddled up in his coat. “I’m fine.”

“Isn’t your butt cold from sitting on this metal?”

“Yes. Yours?”

“No. I just like to alter my skin complexion and color to something appropriate to the weather conditions.”

“It’s very convincing” Visionary complimented. “Er… not that I’m starring at the goosebumps on your thighs, mind you.”

“Thank you” she preened slightly. “I like to be accurate in the details.”

“Well, in that case I’ll be more than happy to critique the grid pattern on your rear when you get up off this grating” he offered considerately.

“Yes, um… as an artist, I can’t be a slave to details if I’m to serve my own unique voice…”

“So your artistic vision doesn’t include a case of waffle butt?”

“Hmmmph.” She answered, resting her chin on a bar of the railing and glancing sidelong at him. “Keep it up, mister, and I’ll open a case of waffle butt on you.” She smiled and patted the patinaed copper railing affectionately. “Did I ever tell you how much I like your new home? A lighthouse. It’s just so… welcoming. He’s like an old friend… my primitive ancestry” she quoted.

“He?”

Hallie looked at him skeptically. “You simply can’t call a lighthouse “she”, now can you?” The holographic woman asked him in a no-nonsense manner. “I mean, not that I think your choice in jutting structures is overcompensation for anything, but still…”

Visionary blinked and snorted. “Oh, thank you. I really needed that association in my mind.”

“Feeling inadequate suddenly?” she suggested wryly.

“Well, it is pretty cold out here…” the Regular countered. “And I’m not just simulating the physical effects of it.”

She smiled. “Fair enough. So give… What are you doing up here in the cold while the party’s heating up downstairs?”

He sighed and considered it with a thoughtful chewing of his lip. “I don’t really know… I just had this sudden feeling that I needed to get the lamp lit… that it was important.” He nodded to the darkened room behind them. “We haven’t really been able to get it going since I moved in. Not surprising, I suppose… the shipping lanes haven’t used it for ages, and the Necromancer General apparently wasn’t high on regular maintenance. I just…” He opened his hands helplessly. “I just felt it needed to be lit. Maybe it’s a Christmas thing.”

“A Christmas thing?”

He nodded. “Every year on Christmas Eve my family would attend midnight services and we’d sing my two favorite Christmas songs… First ‘Hark the Herald Angles Sing’, and then at the end of the service, ‘Silent Night’. There were a bunch of other hymns in there too, but those two were the biggies for me. Those ones meant it was Christmas.” He smiled at the memory and scooted closer to the shining young woman next to him as he spoke with fondness. “Anyway, everyone was given a little candle in a glass, and during ‘Silent Night’, you’d tilt yours sideways and light it off of the candle of the person standing next to you. And by the last verse, everyone would be singing by candlelight. Ultimately, you were supposed to take the candle home and light it in your window to signal that you wouldn’t turn away weary travelers. To show that you welcomed Christmas.”

She leaned up against him and put her head on his shoulder. “I like that.”

“Me too” He agreed, leaning back into her. “But I can’t get it working. I don’t know why I thought tonight might be any different. I think the light’s just burnt out… which is a problem, as it takes a very strange bulb…”

“Not your average 60 watt, huh?”

“A little different” he confirmed. “Nobody has made new ones for 40 years. Even then, only one manufacturer did… they had to be special ordered. But they went out of business a year after the lighthouse was decommissioned.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Even finding that much out was a pain” he noted. “When I first moved in and tried to get it going, I asked Enty for help, who eventually consulted Al, who consulted Lee…”

Hallie snickered audibly, then covered her mouth with her hand when she caught Visionary’s raised eyebrow. “I’m sorry” she said, swallowing a giggle without much success. “But are you seriously saying you’ve literally tackled the question of how many Legionnaires it take to change a lightbulb… and the answer is already more than four?”

“Five” Visionary noted solemnly. “We needed Mr. Epitome to first unscrew it and then put it back. It was rusted pretty tight.”

She broke into an uncontrollable fit of the giggles which spread to the Legionnaire beside her.

He smiled at her, watching strands of her hair dancing in the breeze. “You’re in a silly mood tonight” he noted with approval. “Is that punch going straight to your artificial bloodstream?”

“No artificial body tonight” she replied. “I’m skipping the desert table.”

“You’re doing all this with your Holographic Emitter Drones?” he asked, obviously impressed.

“Nope” she replied with a sly smile. “Watch this” she said, snapping her fingers. Suddenly, ring upon ring of Christmas lights circled the lighthouse tower, lighting in a rapid twisting spiral all the way up to the railings around them. “Merry Christmas!” she said happily. “I chipped in some money for the renovations and had them rewire the entire place with cable that will support a holographic zone throughout the entire building. The shape of the tower really focuses the effects, with minimal signal loss too… I get the best resolution of anywhere on the island right here.” A brief flicker of hesitation hit her eyes. “You don’t mind, do you?”

“Mind?” he asked incredulously. “This is a lighthouse, and as it turns out, some of my best friends are light… or electricity… or thought energy…” He kissed her on the forehead. “You’ll always be welcome here. I’ll leave a rather large candle in the window for you, once I figure out how...”

“Yes… about that…” she noted, standing up and brushing her hands together. She focused on the giant bulb at the center of the intricate glass magnifying and reflecting lenses, and a green spark lit in the depths of the hand-blown glass. It grew brighter and brighter until a beam of greenish light shot out towards the horizon of the open sea. The electric motors of the lantern room started up, and the beam swept across the water in a silent wave. “There” she noted with satisfaction.

Visionary stood next to her and watched in admiration, wincing away as the beam swept past the two of them. “That’s outstanding!” he exclaimed happily. “That will do nicely for Christmas Eve, I should think.”

“Longer than that” Hallie argued. “As long as my program’s running, there’s no reason that beam won’t be as well. I told you the lighthouse was wired to share the same veins as the rest of the island… I’m a part of it, or it’s a part of me… I guess you can think of it as an appendage of mine… a part of my anatomy.”

“Right. So it’s like you’ve suddenly grown a…” Visionary paused and blinked. “Great… there’s another mental image I just didn’t need.”

“Sorry” she noted. “But do you like your present?”

The Regular put his arm around her and admired the view of the light sweeping across the horizon. “Absolute best thing anyone has gotten me.”

“Really?” she said, shining herself. “Absolute?”

“Well… I am fond of this year’s pair of fuzzy slippers from Yo.” He gave her a little hug as he opened the door to the lantern room, then paused as a thought occurred to him and frowned worriedly. “Is it weird that I find those slippers to be vaguely erotic?”

Hallie considered it and shrugged, guiding him back inside. “I suppose it would depend on just how creatively you plan to wear them…”

Post By Visionary Sat Jan 07, 2006 at 01:23:34 am EST	Subject A Very Parody Christmas-- Probably part 9, but maybe part 10. Or really, whichever doesn't have to deliver all those things Ian promised.

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